The simple idea of controlling my dreams has entertained me for the past two years. Though it seems that only good can come out of it, so many things can go wrong.
This Summer (2012) I’ve been falling into ‘meta’. I’ve looked at some causes why, and I think that because I’m the most stress free I’ve ever been in my life it is causing me to stress in my dreams. This is probably my brain compensating, because although stress is not too good in abundance, you need stress in your life. The outcome of my brain stressing that I don’t have enough stress in reality, it has given me an alternative life in my dreams.
This alternative life has become so vivid to me, it feels like I’m living when I’m dreaming. Leaving me exhausted when I wake up for the real world. I haven’t slept in weeks. I need help.
I don’t know who to tell. I don’t know how to regain stress in my life. I need it quick though, because my alternate reality is become so apparent in my life, it’s leaving me with memories that aren’t even real. My perception of the people I know is being projected by what my sub-conscience truly sees them to be. I don’t really loathe my bestfriends and I don’t think I’m going to fall in love with people I have no real relations with.
I’ve ended friendships a hundred times now, falling in love too many, and ran away from what I knew I really needed. It’s depressing; these scenarios that no one gets to see, feel, and work through, but myself.
I can’t hold real conversations with people when I’m awake, when all I can think about is how our friendship nearly ended the night before with all the horrible things that were said. It’s hard to express my feelings when they aren’t even real. Damn.